Category: Grief

trauma will bruise these pages
forever
the ink of discontent
will never run out
and I think about
today
how I woke up with anxiety
how I took a shower
and my shoulder hurts
and my ribs won’t stop rearranging themselves
and the pain is always better
but it never goes away forever
so yes
I am preoccupied with yesterday
simply because
the healing is never complete
and I don’t ever know
when the devil will come back to feast
on the frayed rope
holding my heart in one piece
and how can you heal
ever
when the struggle is never
complete
when I still see those glowing eyes
watching my every move
from a closet that never stays closed
I can’t let my guard down
ever
I can’t move on
because it never stops
following me
like a shadow
I cannot sever
from my ankles
so it drags behind me
everywhere I go.


–His malignant motivation mistaked my shudders as permission

Saudade

green grass
blue sky
first kiss
one of many to be shared
laying down, you fell asleep
I listened to your breathing
watched you sink into the earth, listened to your heart beating
we were perfect
not knowing what it was, but soon discovered it to be love
now I’m falling apart
we are soul mates, but as best friends
brown grass
grey sky
last kiss
we tried.

but if this is our novel then flip to the middle. where you find me in night time car rides, where i let my eyes follow the streetlights, skip from one lamp to the next, but we drive too quickly for my eyes to ever land. so i settle on the gaps between them, the snippets of sky contained by streetlight divisions and telephone poles. i find you in the spaces between blurred lines. where i form you from pitch black. trace you from constellations until i remember what you look like. my eyes blur, so i close them on the way home.